_heroika muljadi_ :: la mia bella vita: me and the people in my life...
WARNING: this space is for my rambling about the world, life & everything else.
life isn't always pretty & sweet, so some words/pictures posted might be offensive or inappropriate for some. if you keep reading, take your own risks.
suggestions & comments are always welcome. any complain? send it my way! only cowards talk behind one's back... ciao!
you can't buy love you can't make anyone to like or love you
all you can do is just do what you wanna do with all your heart with no regrets and no pretentiousness if that love comes back to you, then it's yours... and cherish it. as not many have the privilege to have or feel it. if it doesn't, then be glad that you're blessed to have a chance to feel it deep inside, and have a chance to do your best with nothing to regret. especially if that person is a great person, then just be glad that that very person has come into your life and colored your book of life with the brightest color ever
“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.”
and this is what i'm still working on
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
although not as much, i admit that doubts are still there... yet, again and again i have been proven wrong. so, is "home" really mine to keep? God knows... how i want to so much
miss anything? i miss my classmates... wonderful, talented, smart, witty, and driven people. they're more than anyone can ask for from classmates.
today is the very 1st day (after 2 years) i have nothing to worry about anymore. no research, no paper, no HBR readings, no presentations. i woke up in the morning and the 1st thought in my head 'oh man, what am i supposed to do with all this free time?'
all in all.. it's all good. i'm very grateful for every single moment i have most of all... i am EXTREMELY grateful for having such dearest people in my life who are always being there for me... thick and thin... who never give up reminding me to stay positive.
almost 3 days, 2007 has been behind us. memories, good and bad, are what we hold on to... notes we wrote, pictures we took, emails we sent have become parts of what we had last year.
looking back, 2007 was a very interesting year... started with not a very smooth ride, but ended with wisdom, laughters, warmth, and joy, surrounded with loved ones, and feeling at home. some are so far away, yet they are still so close... and even closer to the home.
lately, NYC might have been so cold, yet it has been the 'warmest' ever.
how so grateful. years can keep changing. age can keep adding. but every year excitements are there to see what life has in store. hope for the best, prepare for the worst, they say...
many from 2007 will, of course, be carried on to the new year... as for the not-so-good-ones, continuously hoping that time still gives a chance to fix... before it's too late.
all this time i had never really comprehended what it exactly meant. to me, it was just an expression. but yesterday... at the JFK airport (out of all places), it dawned on me
though i'm so far away from my original home, at this very moment... i AM home
doubts are still there, but slowly they disappear. warmth, patience, understanding, and peacefulness prevail over troubled heart.
lately, people mentioned a lot about faith to me. they say... i should have faith in God... faith in good things... faith in good people.
it's an easy word to say... but not an easy thing to do at all.
with all the chaos in life. the experiences we all have been through. some leave smiles, and good memories behind, and some leave tears, scars and nightmares. for those who have not so good experiences, some can learn from it and be cool about it, some completely block the memory from their mind, and some still have the memory regardless how hard they try to learn and move on with their life.
look around and see... how it is kinda sad to see ourselves.. how much we grow to become very individualistic and suspicious towards others. people are 2nd guessing and having their guards up to those who do nice things to them. how hard it is to believe that genuine, good, and real people DO exist out there... and when that very person stands in front of you... when that very good person becomes part of your life, you ask yourself 'is it for real?'.. and you tell yourself 'it is just too good to be true'
why do we have to ask ourselves such questions? is it impossible for good things happening in our life? why does everything become too complicated?
we all are looking for our own happiness. but sometimes, we ourselves are our own biggest enemy. by not having faith, we're constantly asking... constantly doubting... constantly wondering... instead of enjoying the good things presented in front of you... your own negative vibes destroy what's supposed to be yours to keep...
from time to time, it is good to have time for yourself... to look back, to think, to decompress, to reflect... about people, and other aspects of our life. many don't realize or even forget about it.
faith comes from trust... some people can trust others easily, others find trust as a very hard thing to give away (many are because of their past). trial after trial, with patience, slowly it grows. and when you do earn it, please keep it and cherish it. never ever break it 'cuz it's really hard to mend.
i learn... some people deserve to be trusted. for your own sanity, for that person's sanity, and for whatever type of relationship you have with that person... and i admit, i messed up. i really hope that i'm not too late.
so i'm reading my old posts... and 1 post struck me.
the quotes i have in that post remind me of what i had and have right now. wow... how time flies. right now i'm thinking of how many people i met who have taught and shown me so many things.
good things and good people are in my life right now. although not everything is perfect, but i am grateful. right now... i wonder 1 thing. if things are generally good... things are pretty much what i've been looking for for almost all my life, but... there's only 1 thing that's missing - 1 thing that somehow is so mysterious. no matter how i try to find out or compromise, i seem to face a brick wall.
life is about making decisions and taking risks. i know that. i'm not asking for perfection, but i'm just wondering... 'cuz of the missing part, when i should just accept it, and when i should leave the good things behind and find another.
wise people i know once said to me that good things need faith to flourish. so is that mean that i should just accept the missing part while it is eating me inside?
yes, we all need to know within ourselves what we can and can't live with. but what would you do if later you realize that your decision is the biggest mistake of your life... that you'll always regret for the rest of your life?
"giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it does not, be content it grew in yours."
Some say love's a little boy, And some say it's a bird, Some say it makes the world go around, Some say that's absurd, And when I asked the man next-door, Who looked as if he knew, His wife got very cross indeed, And said it wouldn't do.
Does it look like a pair of pyjamas, Or the ham in a temperance hotel? Does its odour remind one of llamas, Or has it a comforting smell? Is it prickly to touch as a hedge is, Or soft as eiderdown fluff? Is it sharp or quite smooth at the edges? O tell me the truth about love.
Our history books refer to it In cryptic little notes, It's quite a common topic on The Transatlantic boats; I've found the subject mentioned in Accounts of suicides, And even seen it scribbled on The backs of railway guides.
Does it howl like a hungry Alsatian, Or boom like a military band? Could one give a first-rate imitation On a saw or a Steinway Grand? Is its singing at parties a riot? Does it only like Classical stuff? Will it stop when one wants to be quiet? O tell me the truth about love.
I looked inside the summer-house; It wasn't over there; I tried the Thames at Maidenhead, And Brighton's bracing air. I don't know what the blackbird sang, Or what the tulip said; But it wasn't in the chicken-run, Or underneath the bed.
Can it pull extraordinary faces? Is it usually sick on a swing? Does it spend all its time at the races, or fiddling with pieces of string? Has it views of its own about money? Does it think Patriotism enough? Are its stories vulgar but funny? O tell me the truth about love.
When it comes, will it come without warning Just as I'm picking my nose? Will it knock on my door in the morning, Or tread in the bus on my toes? Will it come like a change in the weather? Will its greeting be courteous or rough? Will it alter my life altogether? O tell me the truth about love.
~ by Wystan Hugh Auden
NOTE: so anybody can answer this? :) and... can love conquer everything?
i have no clue what she's saying, but it sounds really good....
life has been teaching me a lot of things... some are good, some are not. moving from 1 place to another, changing from 1 major to another, 1 job to another, meeting people after people, happiness, sadness, heartbroken, family, etc have shown me how rich life can be
doubts exist... so does confidence. however, there're certain moments in the past that plant certain notions in you about certain things. you try and you try, but it's so hard for you to move on
bunch of birthdays are behind me. call me weird, but i am not scared of the number on my birthday cake at all. every year, the older i am, the more excited i am to see what the future has in store for me. 2007 isn't over yet, but a lot have indeed happened. nobody knows the future. all i can say is that at this particular moment, i am happy and content. yes, doubts and insecurities are still there, but i'll hold my head up high and keep moving. old wound is still there, i don't know when it's gonna be completely healed. letting someone in and let your guard down aren't easy at all
but then... i realize. c'est la vie! everything i go through is what makes this life interesting.... it's not easy, but oh well :)
all i can say right now... rain can always pour on me, but sun will always show up after the rain, and it'll make up everything... and that's what i'm always waiting for. living in nyc hasn't been easy or grand as many think. but, my heart is as warm as the summer....
you are my sunshine... my only sunshine... you make me happy... when skies are grey...
one last note :) gift is always nice but the thoughts behind it count the most and presence completes the day despite of the number... despite of how hectic life has been... despite of what the cover is like... despite of all the doubts i see a warm and beautiful being inside none know what happens next but in a heartbeat... i'll take my chances
Life's Rewards Unless we take a chance or two in order to begin, There's nothing we can hope to gain, no prize that we can win. We must accept uncertainty, must set our doubts aside. Be brave enough to risk a loss or setback to our pride. We should not be afraid of change, nor be afraid to dare -- If we just take a chance, life holds rewards beyond compare.
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
The subway makes sense.
You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
You consider Westchester "upstate".
You think Central Park is "nature."
You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it’s a "steal."
You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
Your closet is filled with black clothes.
You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
You take fashion seriously.
Being truly alone makes you nervous.
You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
You don't notice sirens anymore.
You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
Your door has more than three locks.
Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
There is no North and South...
It's uptown or downtown.
When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.
You know what a bodega is.
You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....
You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas
Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
People from other states cant tell a polar bear from a peanut, but they know you're from NY the second you open your mouth.
When you are able to make a right turn at a red light.. you think it's the best thing ever.
Rather than waiting safely on the sidewalk to cross the street, you wait inches away from speeding traffic waiting to cut through it.
Your local news is national news.
You walk a mile in 13 minutes and think that everything should be open 24/7.
You know who Dr. Z is...
You think you know better than everyone else in the world.. when in reality.. well.. you do.
Yellow light means speed up.
Red light means speed up because you know have that 1 second pause until the other light turns green.
Communicating with people on the road only takes one finger.
You order your dinner and have it delivered.. from the place across the street.
You cross the street on a greenlight, and if you get hit by a car you blame the driver for "not watching where they're going.
You can tell a gunshot from a firecracker and not get scared, but when you go to the burbs you get scared of hearing a cricket.
You know the lights above the skyscrapers is the closest thing we have to stars.
The only reason you go to NJ is to go to Six Flags; as for adults, gas
Parties don't end until 4am yet you still don't wanna leave, and you know 7am is a ridiculous time to come in, but that diner is calling your name
You begin missing the city and feeling home sick once you cross the holland tunnel
You don't notice the garbage that "beautify" the streets any more
The only time you are interested in talking to strangers is when they ask for directions
You pissed off that the battery man never showes up on the subway when you actually need batteries
You meet someone else from the city and somehow you know 5 people in common.
You take five seconds to remember 4 of the 5 boroughs, then have to take another 10 to remember Staten Island....
You can walk down the street with only $20 in your pocket and have enough to buy an outfit including footwear and still have some money left to buy two slices with a soda
You can fall asleep while standing on a subway, while surrounded by people within inches of you and still wake up just in time for your stop, and feel refreshed by the nap.
The bus/train is crowded and you still squeeze yourself in then complain that someone is too close to you
The guy in the coffee cart up the block knows what you want without having to ask
Whenever you go anywhere outside of New York all of your friends constantly ask, "why are you walking so fast?"
Someone just died by jumping in the train tracks and all you can think about is you being late for work.
You go out of the country and instead of saying your American, you say you're from NY.
You can walk through "The City" for hours and not get tired but once your out of NYC and walk for 10 minutes you feel exhausted
Other people annoyingly tell you "This isn't New York" when you complain about how shitty where they live is.
Your doorman is your marriage counselor
The most obscene thing is happening right next to you and you walk right by it like absolutely nothing is happening
You think paying 6 dollars an hour to park you car is a "good price"
Your "walk" is more like a game of frogger with the cabbies
You think you're not being impolite as you yell on your phone in the middle of a restaurant
Every time you walk in a shop and its full of people you say "damn tourists"
You know who "Dan Smith" is
You'd rather take the subway than break the bank for a 7 dollar cab ride
You have a good idea where you are at just by looking at the Skyline
You've memorized the subway platform so that the train doors open right in front of you AND you know exactly what subway car to be on in order to get off right in front of the stairs at your stop (or any stop for that matter).
You determine how far away someone/something is by the trip it takes on the subway
People from other states say you have an accent, you think they're just lying.
You give tourists wrong directions just because
You run from the cops when you know you really didnt break any law
“Someone jumped in front of my train” is an acceptable excuse for being late to a party
You can tell if a person's a tourist or not by how fast they walk
Hobo: I will tell you the rules of being a goddamn New Yorker: one -- when you see a suspicious package, do not fucking tell anyone. If it has money in it, well, then you can take the money, but it probably doesn't, so don't say anything! Also, when you are in the city, do not refer to Sixth Avenue as 'Avenue of the Americas' unless you wish to sound like a complete moron!
never eat alone
think & grow rich
